Monday, August 6, 2007

Vonda and Barb's Excellent Adventure

Barb and I went to visit Loretta this weekend in Astoria. For some reason we just can't seem to do these things without me making a complete fool of myself. This will bore some of you so I will break the great adventure into several posts. Besides, I have to give Barb and Loretta a chance to defend themselves. Some unmentioned sisters would say that all of this is MY fault but I beg to differ. I will only tell from my point of view.

So Saga 1: I was given the responsibility of making a room reservation. Well OK, I volunteered but only because Barb cried and writhed on the floor. I did OK considering it was Thursday night. Last minute. Calling all over the place. A weekend night. In the summer. During the busiest of the tourist season. I finally found a room that fit our budget, reserved it with my debit card, wrote down the name on the back of the VCR users guide and left it on the coffee table before going to bed. Now some of you would ask why I didn't transfer the name of the motel to a piece of paper with clear beautiful handwriting. Well maybe it is because I always say to myself, "Oh, I'll remember that" or "I'll do that before I leave in the morning" after I water all the plants, pack my suitcase in 5 seconds flat, read the paper, do a load of laundry, feed and water the chickens, etc. Do you see a pattern here of maybe a little ADHD? Speaking of chickens one of our hens broke her leg somehow and the others were pecking her so Dave had to do a little "Great White Chicken Hunter" murder while I was away. Of course I tell him before I walk out the door that he has a little fun job to do then escape. But another story another time.

Because I am so organized and have so much free time because of said organization, I threw my stuff in the car only an hour late and began my trip to town. In the mean time Dave is getting ready to leave the house and I call him on the cell phone because I realized that I left the name of our motel at home. I asked him to read it to me and he took one look and couldn't even make out the beginning letter. Said it looked like a B or a D. So then "AHA!" I remember now ..... it begins with a B or a D. Astoria isn't that big....I'll find it. So I get almost all the way to town and realize I also left my debit card on the coffee table the night before. I tried calling home but Dave had left already. So because I needed money for gas and stuff, I turned around and drove all eleven miles back home, found the debit card and went to pick up Barb. So I was only another forty five minutes late. Now folks, really I hate being late so this must explain why I didn't look at the name of the motel while I was picking up my debit card OFF of the manual that I scribbled it down on.

After picking up Barb we began our journey and I had to sheepishly admit that I made reservations, they are guaranteed, but I don't know the name of the motel or where it is in Astoria. But it's small, how hard can it be? Barb just rolled her eyes. Well after taking an unfamiliar route to the coast because darn it, it is an excellent adventure, we get to a small town near Tillamook. Don't ask me the name because both of us were abducted by aliens by this point and were directionally challenged after our release. Barb had to use the restroom because her bladder is shrinking in her old age and had been patiently (or not) waiting for me to find a place to stop. So we spot a Dairy Queen with a bunch of cars parked in front and peel out cutting across the oncoming coastal traffic and screech to a stop in front of the building. We walk up to the door and it is kind of dark inside, but hey, it might be those tinted windows. Umm there are cobwebs on the door and it still didn't register. After all, there are cars parked all around. Well the door is locked and that is when it hit us......Uh it's closed down, looks like it has been for quite some time. So we return to the car, or I should say Barb crawls bent over to keep from wetting herself.

So we went on to the next town and stopped in to have a late lunch of delicious sea food and so Barb could use the facilities. After all we went to the coast so we must have sea food. This lovely establishment served up the best (NOT) fish sandwich. MMMMM, all the way to the coast to eat at McDonalds.

Long story short, we arrive in Astoria and began to drive through the town looking for the motel that began with a B or a D. Didn't see the one that I am now sure that I will recognize once I see the name. I finally give up and pull into a Safeway parking lot to look at the yellow pages of the phone book. Of course there are two phone books and Barb had to man one and I the other because each of them had a different set of pages we needed torn out. I just hate that when people tear out the address page to get where they want. Don't you? Well couldn't find a familiar name so gave up and called home again and Kelli answered the phone. Thank God I have a daughter that can kinda, sorta make out hen scratching. She read me the letters on the pamphlet and we determined that the first word was Astoria. Good we were in the right town. The second word she couldn't really make out but it seemed like River. OK, so now I just knew it was River View Motel. So I called and the girl answering the phone said "Nope" I don't have a registration for you. Don't you just hate that when you make and reservation and then don't remember where?" Grrrr. The only other place with River in it was Astoria Rivershore Motel. Because my memory is so very good for addresses and phone numbers and I have no pen to write with I tore out that yellow page and took it with us. Don't you just hate that when people tear out the address page to get where they want? I do.

We finally find the motel, which is of course kind of a little bit of a dive. After all nothing else was available at the last moment. As I am checking in my car alarm goes off. Barb says she just opened the door and it went off, but I don't buy that. I think she was tired of waiting for me probably because she had to use the bathroom again. But even though I told the guy at the counter that sounded like my car alarm, I just shrugged and went on finding out good places to eat. That is until Barb slunk in needing the keys to make it stop.

Moral of this story: Don't ever wait until the last moment to make a reservation on the coast, take a bus, don't ride with older sister who has small bladder, or just to sum it up, don't ever let Vonda do the planning.

Stay tuned for Saga II tomorrow.


Barb said...

Whoa hold on there little seester. Let's make sure we get the whole story here. I mean can you really trust a chicken executioner! (I've seen small crutches and casts- boy I hope I don't break my leg under her care.) Yes she did volunteer to get the hotel and yes she did forget the card and the name and directions for the hotel and yes she is adhd but it gets worse. Directionally challenged is putting it mildly. We left at 10:45am and arrived at 4:30pm. Thats 6 hours to go 195 miles and all siblings who have ridden with this sister know that she drives at break neck speed wherever she goes which includes stops from 65 to 0 in 3 seconds flat. (There is an indentation on the passenger side of the front seat where I kept applying the brake.) So the explanation for the length of time has to do with the many circles we drove trying to find our way into and out of places. (People actually started to wave as we drove by.) So small bladder may be a slight exageration - I means 6 hours!!! So after phone calls and phone book vandalization (she omitted the other details of the first part of this adventure such as not finding her own car at the Safeway parking lot. Thank goodness I was along for the ride. The fact that she barely packed anything before she left hence her question; "Did you bring shampoo, soap, extra underwear I could share, toothbrush, toothpaste, etc etc etc." And I think that she pressed the alarm button on her keys to see how fast I could race out of the car. Just to name a few.)Then there is the whole issue of "I know the name of the motel starts with B or D - I'll recognize the name as soon as I see it." Hence the purusing of Astoria from one end to the other to no avail. And then finding out that it started with an R. Oh and did I mention that periodically while driving the unnamed driver would say "I should put my glasses on then I could see that sign." My previoulsy beautiful blond hair is now steaked with "stress" lights. But oh what an adventure we had and what fun. I hope this is just the first of many last minute, unplannde "Excellent" adeventures for us!

Kristi said...

You know I have many memories of Vonda's great driving abilities from a very young age! One time she was driving with me in Boise, ID to take me school clothes shopping - no not the time the sales clerk asked if my mom (Vonda) would like to have a seat - hee, hee, hee! Sometimes it pays to be the youngest! Anyway, Vonda was, surprise, a little lost. She turns on a street in downtown Boise and, surprise, surprise, all the cars are coming towards us! Yes, she turned the wrong way on a one way street. It was pretty funny though, she snapped my neck as she swerved into a parallel parking space to avoid a head on collision. A kind, helpful gentlemen rolled down his window and let us know we were going the wrong way (how thoughtful!) But Vonda didn't seem to appreciative as she blurted No SH_T! Temper, Temper!!!! My neck still hurts (wink, wink).


Vonda said...

Hey my driving skills are as good as a driving instructor. You know, defensive driving. I figure if I can hit em before they hit me then we're good to go. And Kristi I just wanted to teach you what not to do before you got your license.

Jill said...

Good Lord! Me, Kyla and Kells are all versions of Mom repeated! Hence, our SanFrancisco trips were always rather long and I made sure that I constantly blurted out "It's an adventure, remember?! We're having an ADVENTURE! Don't get stressed out! We're on an ADVENNNNTTUUUUURRRRE!" Nevermind the hundreds of wrong turns we took, many gas stations we had to stop at for directions, many phone calls and map unfolding that went on throughout those trips...and me almost flying to my death from a convertible rental...
:) Now I know where we all get our directional sense! Love you mom.

Loretta said...

I am so glad that I don't drive like that. Mom does!!! But I must admit that now that I am driving to Longview Washington every day with sweet little Lauren Kessler along as a passenger, I have had to quickly put my arm in front of her to keep her from bumping her 19 year old head into the windshield and oh by the way, we turned the wrong way down a one way street, but it wasnt my fault. That darned sign was so small and I didn't have my glasses. Anyway - I love you!