Friday, October 19, 2007

Suspensers and Other Old Lady Issues

Try as I might, I just couldn't come up with a more catchy title for this post. Just a warning for those of you that might be grossed out by the older generation and personal stuff. You may want to quit reading while you are ahead. But I dare you.

While visiting Loretta back in August we were lamenting on all the woes of aging, hot flashes, weight gain, hair in places like toes that you really don't want to know about. Barb said she wished that there were some sort of invention to hold your underwear up so they wouldn't roll down. The more we talked I could just see that light bulb come on above her head. Sure enough, there materialized an idea. She came up with the idea of suspenders that would hook to old lady granny panties and the bottom of a bra, hence just like men with plumber crack issues. The new "suspensers" were born.

While on our sisters trip, we approached the idea of our new invention to our other sister and sisters-in-laws and asked them if they thought this was a worthy invention. Of course my daughters and Kristi (who is closer to her nieces ages) were totally grossed out. They just couldn't even imagine having that problem, let alone wearing granny panties. Well, I say we older gals leave them in the dust and they can come crawling to our doorstep begging for money when their panties begin to sag and roll. Then we will have the joy of slamming the door in their faces, that is if we are still alive.

Now this idea is patented so don't even think you can steal this to make your first million. Barb found the perfect photo for the invention. I love the peacock feather addition. Strut your stuff ladies!

Loretta, this is especially for you since you were unable to attend out sisters vacation. However, you will remember our visit to your house when this idea was hatched. Get it, hatched. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!


Jill said...

That is, if you're still alive? Mom, you kill me! I laughed pretty hard at this one. But I still stick to my original conclusion: if the panties start a'rollin', the panties are a'goin'. I'll just go without 'em. No granny panties for me, thank you. I'll Camel-toe it to California before I bend over and reveil 3 feet of back-panty-hang-over, suspensers or not.

The Dairy Wife said...

I have to ask. Just how would us old ladies get the suspensers down fast enought for us to NOT pee in those beautiful red panties? It just sucks to be 50 some days .... lol.


Vonda said...

I don't know the answer to that question Tanya but does it really matter? After all, a simple sneeze will cause problems for me! Too much infomation, I know.

Perhaps I will ask my sister to refine her invention. Must be a way.

Kristi said...


I just have to say: THIS IS SICK AND WRONG!!!!!! I say - just wear undies that fit underneath the saggage (new word creation here I think!). I know Jill and Kells will agree with me - gross!!!!

Bye the way Vonda, if you cross your legs while you sneeze - it helps!

Kelli said...

It sounds to me like you may have experienced some similar problems Kris! Cross your legs while you sneeze? I don't think that will prevent anything if there's really a problem. I say create an opening flap on the underwear so you don't have to remove them. Or wear depends. Whatever is easier.

carrie & troy keiser said...

Oh, you make me laugh! loved both photos! :D

Jill said...

hahahhahahahha! I love Kelli's idea of the opening flap in the underwear so you don't have to remove them when you piddle during a sneeze! That's rad! But, alas, it's been invented. Isn't that what crotchless panties are? All we need to do is create crotchless granny-panties, because I doubt that's been done yet. heh heh. Oh, and I'm with Krissie--I plan on keeping the panties under the saggage (good word).